haha omg look lien your song is stuck in my head. 

anyway today! met up with lien and jade at holland village. i swear i love these sessions they're just so liberating. could never get bored of these two favourite people i love you guys :-) <3 study sessions please because taking - well, - two buses home takes me only 45 minutes from holland v and taking a bus home from school takes me 1.5 hours - NO JADE AM NOT MAKING USE OF YOU. okay no am kidding i just miss all our inside jokes (PIAK HAHAHA), lame shit acronyms, the bimbo talk, whom i can relate to and just having the same opinions about most things (when people in my school don't really have the same opinions as me and i'm afraid to voice mine out because it's so partypooperish cause i'm so critical). ahh!! and just bingeing on food HAHAHA :D sigh you guys make me laugh <3<3 see you soon dearies

well school has just been so mundane of late. haha always asking my classmates to "ENTERTAIN ME!!!" i think i might piss some of them off someday. won't be long. hahaha wait for it :p

basically what's been up with me of late is that, i've learnt to treasure the people around me more i guess. i think i've been so caught up trying to fix this certain friendship that i thought would last and putting in so much effort just to be there for my "friend", but it all just came to naught so... hm. makes you wonder huh. just further proves to me that friends might come and go but your family sticks by you all the time. but i shouldn't let this one "friend" taint the impression i have of my other lovely friends. it's just that it seems like all the times i've been there for this person didn't count just because someone didn't want us to be friends. i feel like i've been here for this person since forever and some of the things i did i wouldn't have done for just anyone. guess it wasn't enough. i must admit i'm really quite disappointed because i really do did care and i really didn't want it to go away. but it did. i can't believe i didn't see all the people around me who cared so much and all i cared about was that you didn't care. it just doesn't make sense and i feel stupid. :-( 

anw today i was just telling kuasi and bb how i feel so surpressed in school. it's not cool because i'm dying inside really. like i don't know who i am anymore. i don't want to complain and moan and groan about how school sucks and how life's the biggest bitch ever to all my friends because, i myself don't want to spend bloody time with such an emokid. but i feel so NYAHHH :-( okay so as i was saying, i think i'm losing my ability to judge because i've been trying to be so nice to everyone (because everyone's - well, most - been quite nice and i think it's genuine) and the whole non-judging shit i've been trying to work. well i am nice (i think, hope) okay fine i can be, at times. as in i've just been so positive about most things really i think i'm losing myself. my ability to judge, to perceive, to make my own decisions, to have my own opinion. 

anyway you know what, bottom line is: i want to just be myself. i'm so disgusted with myself for actually trying to fit in when i laugh at and scorn those who try so hard. actually i don't know what exactly i'm trying to prove and who i'm trying to prove it to because, judge me for all i care, my friends will like me for who i am. but i must admit i think i'm quite a difficult person to like

i am going to have my good mad youthful fun - shan't care about the young and wasted people and pointless gossip - and not care about what anyone says. unless bb or yaoch or kuasi (well essentially the people i look to and trust the most) tell me i'm bad in someway or another then i'll change. for the better. hehe like no more swearing. :-) (haha sorry i feel like saying it one more time fuck you kuasi - okay no more now i love you, pig)

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

okay i love me from now on. (like yaoch said no one can love you if you don't love yourself first.) NOT FORGETTING my friends of course what would i do without you. those who actually bother to ask me if i'm fine or comfort me when i'm sad or even ask me okay when i look sad (when i look like that perpetually now - yes i know gah can't help it) or send me nice messages and give me a nice big squeezy hug ("you look like you need a hug") or give me haha a cute bathtub scent thing that makes me want to eat it ;-) 
thank you<3 am not very good at expressing my feelings but i really appreciate everything i love yous all

sincerely, 
...me

p.s. wow talk about long self-indulgent entries but now i feel quite nice and sort of mellow. when i think of all the people who care <3 forgive me for talking about myself the whole way down because i don't really like to come off as someone who loves talking about themselves but we do need to re-evaluate ourselves constantly right. 
p.p.s. jason mraz is ma main man yo

the world's changing
and everybody's changing
i don't know why
but i don't feel the same
i don't like how everyone has become (save for my real friends)

i need a holiday -- a break from all the gross people and assignments from school.

I hate it how some people manage to get away with everything. Sorry doesn't really solve anything. But I don't think I could say anything more if I were in your position. I wish I didn't feel this shitty right now but I do. I don't wanna feel this horrid because honestly, it's not worth it. You know how when people jest about how "it sucks to be you"? Well I can fully relate to that now. Ugh, not cool really not cool :-(

Fuck la gonna sleep now bye

Haha okay sorry I don't know what's up with me really. Uh uh just came back from WOW and supposedly there's this huge EE proposal thing due but I can't finish it on time and I'm rather stressed! ... And that is why I'm here, blogging. Haha okay whatever. 

Anyway WOW was pretty fun, thanks to the company. Mainly Alex actually (hahahaha Best Bimbotic Bitchy Buddies yo). Uh I've yet to get all the picture heh hardly took any. China was smelly and disgusting. The toilets had no cubicle doors, there were no sitting toilets and you could smell the ammonia from half a block away or like one floor down. I am not kidding...! And our dormitory had no fan no aircon with like, 10934829038423 bugs hahaha. Quite horrid. I spent the whole of my... fourth day I think, sleeping. :D Everyone thought that I was a useless pig but oh wellos!


Dearest Alex who put up with all my whining and bitching and shit I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu big time :-) IMYA friend!!! Haha and all our jokes :D Ah


Rachel - who provided much of the entertainment on the trip hahahaha all her Gossip Girling and being extremely quiet and her being an SSSS (Super Sexual Skanky Slut) although when we say it she claims it stands for superstar
("The only time when Rachel is so quiet is when she's watching Gossip Girl")


The rest of the girls hahah

OKAY FINE I NEED MORE PICTURES

Shall edit this entry when I get them. Back to EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

(I kinda miss WOW even though it was so shitty with majority of my class being so shitty and all and with the horrendous facilities it was a nice break away from everything here in Singapore like with no worries regarding school EE IB TOK controlling parents etc. Meeps. Oh hahaha I love Death Cab For Cutie it's damn nice to sleep to)

Okay sorry I apologise for the poor pathetic excuse of a pun for a title, if that even makes any sense, really. Bah I need to start visiting Kinokuniya more often. And buy substantial reading material, not Seventeen or TeenVogue. Those aren't helping my angmoh at all.

Anyway it has been a pretty eventful weekend. Comparably so to previous ones actually. Life has been terribly mundane and I'm getting more and more irritable by the day. Sorry to the people around me who I've been isolating myself from, it's me it's not you truly honestly swearingly. I'm just caught up with all the work and other things which I feel I haven't prioritized correctly. Others before self, I must. It's just sometimes you get so carried away doing other things that may seem significant right now but it's actually quite stupid. I don't even know why I do what I do sometimes. No know myself. Ah. What I need is time really but I haven't any. And I reckon it's going to be like that for the next 1.5 years. This is a mess! Hopefully hopefully the holidays will come quicker fasterly so I can slow things down and actually see when I look and listen when I hear and not just give a patronizing response each time. I need to catch up on all my homework. All the time lost moping about online, procrastinating when I have like a billion things due the next day and then skipping school the next day in the hope of being able to finish my homework is not going to work. Argh I shall resolve to stop skipping school. My parents aren't very pleased anyway.

Okay my IOP essay is waiting to be written but I don't see how I'm going to do it effectively when I haven't even finished reading the book. Nice. 

P.S. Am going to Fuzhou, Chynar from 23 - 29 May. I hope I don't die there. If I should perish in some sort of earthquake or flood or landslide please come to my funeral in pink.

P.P.S The Fire Fight is actually not that bad contrary to what I thought before. Had no idea why people were so hyped up over them